I was somewhat out of sorts today, and I don't know why? Do you ever have those days? You seem to do all you can to stay positive, to let frustrations roll right of your back and expect the best, but you just can't shake the feeling of unease? I don't know what causes it, but there's a kind of restlessness in me right now. I would have thought that it's my lack of freetime - I was busy with Cassie all weekend taking care of four rambunctious children (ages 6,7,8, and 10, I believe). It was enough to convince me I definitely don't want that many, and I'd definitely still like to wait. But It was fun, and it shouldn't have put me out of sorts. I didn't feel this way until I walked into work this morning. And now I've had free time all evening, and I don't feel refreshed.
On the upside, the outside air felt amazing tonight. Something or other drew me outside just about 10 minutes ago, and I just stood out there in the cool air, luxuriating in that sublime freshness after the rain, breathing it in and out and praying. I took some time to consider what it was I truly wanted in life. Frankly, that feeling, the feel of the cool fresh air filling your mouth and throat and lungs, that's up there on my list.
Well, I'm getting married quite soon now. Less than four weeks away. That's unbelievable. I'm really looking forward to it. I move into a new apartment in less than two weeks, too, and I'm looking forward to that, too.
Does it bother anyone else that whenever people pray or talk about spiritual issues, it always seems to be somber? It's like the more passionate sadness you can put into your prayer, the more holy you are. Or the more woeful cynicism you place in your sermons, the more worthy your lesson. There's a place for being somber, a time for it. I'd say, if you feel that way, then pray that way. But if you're feeling good about life and about God, you don't need to suppress that feeling in order to feel his presense. just a little side thought that sometimes bothers me.