Wednesday, June 16, 2004

More Poetry - please forgive me

Decided I'd post another one of my poems. Not because I would just love for more people to be "blessed" by my poetry. Heh heh. But because the one I want to put on here communicates an experience in life that I find fascinating, and that is the anti-climactic. Like watching a movie and there's really no climax and no great resolution, but it just ends, and everything just seems alright without any sort of closure to all the issues. Oftentimes life is like that, and I'm not sure whether to be relieved or disappointed. Anyway, here it is:

I envisioned the end as more climactic
Some grand and glorious resolution.
Some sweet relief, some waking effort,
Some vital time, an event to make it better.
I imagined more than freedom,
More than waking and finding all was dreaming
And all my pain was folly
And all my efforts fruitless.
For life was not out to get me,
And of a sudden, now it's over

And that's it. I suppose what I said in the previous paragraph possibly communicates it adequately, but the poem was when the thought first found expression in my mind, so I'll put that out there.

Monday, June 14, 2004


The guilt of chaste men is a very sobering and humbling thing.

Sunday, June 13, 2004

Work at a Restaurant

I work at a restaurant. I consider it a horrible profession. Right in the middle of the corporate selfish mindset that permeates america. Managers are interested in their scores, so they can get good bonuses, so they can afford another plasma tv for their basement. Customers want their food right away and they want as much free stuff as possible. I just want to serve people and have everybody be happy and make enough money to live on. There are some people that I come across that are peaceful and happy enough to make my job bearable, and there are a good number of co-workers who have some good values, but work environment seems to have an effect on all of us. I've become more jaded over the past two years and much more prone to swearing. Though I've never sworn at a customer, I use vulgarity to myself all the time. Not that vulgarity is the worst thing in the world. But for me it can be an indication of my anger level. And I do not want to live an angry life, nor do I want to affect others with my anger. I think I need to get out of here for a good long while. okay. Don't have much else to say right now.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

The existence of pain and pleasure, or basically anything that gives life on this planet some actual experience other than physical entities moving around all the time, is constantly amazing to me. That a person, who is seemingly made up of a bunch of tissue/cells/organs/etc. and then throw in some electric like signals called brainwaves and start the blood pumping, and said person can feel something. Sure, you might say that it's just caused by signals and chemicals in your brain and all that, but the fact that those chemicals react in such a way as to make something pleasant to a person and give them a real experience, that is really fascinating. It intrigues me that humans care about things. Anything, really. Call it survival instinct or whatever you will, but it's weird. Why care? What is it about life or the things in it that we find so incredibly important. Perhaps it all goes back to the pain/pleasure thing I mentioned already. People care so much about things because they don't want pain and they do want pleasure. Perhaps there is more to it than that. But then, are we all essentially selfish? That might not be the same as self-centered, though. I could be devoted to others, because I want good things for myself. Is that morally wrong. Perhaps, but thinking pragmatically, not only do I become more happy in the end, but I become devoted to others in the process. Seems like a fair trade-off to me, so why not stick to it?
A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine and I were talking about movies that they show on television ALL THE TIME, which includes that wonderful Bill Murray movie, Groundhog Day. I was saying I like Groundhog Day because it has a good moral to it. The guy learns to be happy in life by caring for others instead of himself. And at the end, when he wakes up next to Rita, the first thing he says (after, "you're still here!") is, "Is there anything I can do for you today?" I love it. It seems to me that when I live focused on myself, always wanting things for myself, I become very unhappy. But when I devote myself to others, life takes on great meaning. I not only become happier, I become significant. At least I think. To be honest, I've only really successfully tried it a few times. Man, life is hard! Okay, so back to work. I mean, whatever it was I was doing.