After a week of vacation, I'm actually feeling really good. Maybe it's the time I spent with friends and family. Maybe it's from going to the gym and working out a couple times, which I haven't done recently. I'm not unhealthy - I go for runs on the street every now and then and I do push-ups and sit-ups pretty regularly, but I don't have the petty cash to throw at a nice gym, where a full workout is more likely. But my friends appartently do have sufficient finances for such a thing and they brought me as a guest a couple times. We played racquetball and then lifted a little and biked a little afterward. It was a good time, and I'm still a little stiff from the last one, but it felt really good. I think I'm hooked.
Working out aside, I've also been thinking about life. I've realized that I've been really self-centered, in terms of what I want in life and what I'm working toward. I suppose it doesn't really have anything to do with what I'm actually doing, since regardless of my goals in life, I tend to slack off on them. But let's set aside that little character flaw for a moment - I'm working on it - and understand that the goals I do have seem to be about my career and my future life, a family and kids, money, comfort. I used to simply trust that eventually God would lead me somewhere, where I'd be doing his will. I have to realize that that might not be all that glamorous, But I need to make my goal in live to be living out the love and joy and peace of God and shedding his light in a dark world.
Along these lines is my little problem with girls. It's no secret that I'm a little girl crazy - well maybe it's a little secret, since you have to know me a little better to realize it, but that's kind of with anything. But anyway, I've always wanted to get married, and I'm 25 and still single with no prospects for any relationships in the works. Frankly, I'm ready to just forget about it, but that doesn't stop me from looking at all the pretty girls and wishing for that meaningful something. But here's my point. I need to be ready - and I think I'm close - to let go of my dreams of a happiness of that sort. I have no doubt that it will happen some day, when I'm not looking for it. But I have to let go of the longing, stop the searching, and I need to start searching for the life of love with God, who will lead me into everything good. I think it can be likened to a simple thing like growth. People and all living things don't grow by wishing they were taller or bigger or stronger. They grow naturally, when they eat and drink and breathe live over time. A plant gets nourishment and things happen. The sun shines and the buds open up and blossom and flowers bloom with the changing of the seasons. It's a part of it's purpose. This is the lesson I see in nature. That we live and we grow and we bloom and we mate and we work, and it's all a part of life. It is not something we need to look for. That is why Jesus says that we need to seek first the kingdom of God, and then all these other things will be added. "you will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you" - somewhere in the OT prophets. I dont' remember.
Monday, February 13, 2006
|Your Brain's Pattern|
What Pattern Is Your Brain?
I like this one. It's good.
|You Are Balanced - Realist - Powerful|
|You feel your life is controlled both externally and internally.You have a good sense of what you can control and what you should let go.Depending on the situation, you sometimes try to exert more control.Other times, you accept things for what they are and go with the flow.|
You are a realist when it comes to luck.You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random.You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you...But you do your best to try to make your own luck.
When it comes to who's in charge, it's you.Life is a kingdom, and you're the grand ruler.You don't care much about what others think.But they better care what you think!
The Three Dimension Luck and Power Test
|You Are Wind|
You are best known for: your wrath
Your dominant state: commanding
What Type of Weather Are You?
I don't know about this one. It seems a little bit much, and I don't know how they got this from my answers. I guess I can see it a little. I don't think of myself as dominating, but I like to be a force to be reckoned with.
|You Are a Seeker Soul|
Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others.And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you.You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically.Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas.
Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul
What Kind of Soul Are You?
Saturday, February 04, 2006
I just had this dream - I actually remembered my dreams this morning, since I woke up naturally, without the alarm - and this girl that I dont' know emailed me, saying that if we both chipped in 4 dollars and we got together and got some kids to be called "poodkins", we might make $350. But when I met her, all ready to make money in this way, I found out that getting kids to be called poodkins was actually a government conspiracy to drive us to war, and she was totally against it. I didn't understand why she wanted me to come over and try to get them to be called poodkins, when she herself despised the idea. Then some other miscellaneous stuff happened.
Dreams are whacky. I want to remember more of mine.
Dreams are whacky. I want to remember more of mine.