A queen vs. a barmaid?

Anyone remember the Three Musketeers movie with Chris O'Donnell? One of my favorite lines goes:

"A queen is no different from a barmaid in the dark. Only less practiced in the art of massage."

And he says "massage" not like I'm used to saying it with the emphasis at the end (maSSAGe), but with the emphasis at the beginning, so his voice pitches way up as he says "MASSage." It's hilarious, and I'm sure it's oh, so true. Some co-workers of mine were saying that they should take me out get me to get drunk and meet chicks. I told them I don't want to do something I regret, and they laughed about having "beer-goggles" on. Everybody's a queen when you're drunk, I guess. Of course, that's merely one of the many mistakes I hope to avoid by not getting drunk.

Back to the queen & barmaid contraversy: I'd still rather have a queen. I'd like to have someone that I can look at pleasantly and who won't bore me with ridiculous chatter. I don't know where this is coming from. But the line is funny, and it makes me think of my own choices, and perhaps the reason why I'm still single. I have no doubt of my ability to pick up a "barmaid"-like chick, if I really had a mind to do so. But I don't. I can't. But "queens"! Queens are a different story. Not nearly so easy to win over and not nearly so easy to please. You've got to be a hero or a prince or a rogue, someone who will storm his way gallantly (or ungallant) into her world, sweep her off her feet, impress her with amazing stunts, and finally see if you have a chance with her at all. It's hard. Because you have to do all that just for her to look at you. And most of the guys who do amazing stunts aren't necessarily great guys. They can just do stunts. I don't really do stunts. Therefore, the queens of this world will never bother to see what kind of guy I really am. (This is the beer talking, I'm sure. I'm not really this bitter). (Actually, I don't drink beer and I haven't had any other forms of alcohol tonight, but roll with me on this one).

Anyway, please disregard the entire previous rant, because it is not in keeping with my reserved, discreet persona. And just enjoy the funny quote from the guy who played Porthos in that one Musketeer movie.