Thursday, July 08, 2004

Plans never work

Life is strange to me, because from the entirety of my experience of it, as small as that may be, plans never, EVER, work out right in the execution of them. It perplexes me that this should be so. Why should well-intentioned and good plans be ruined by circumstance? Why should two lovers have their happiness destroyed by a moment of weakness? Why should a man's career be ruined by one fateful mistake? Why should many years of diplomacy be undermined by one man's lust for power? Wisdom is to never boast about what one is going to do as if it is already done, because truly, I've never seen it work out just as planned. That doesn't mean that it doesn't work out. But never as planned. But it still irks me. Why is it that when we want something good, it seems that life continually has a way of opposing us. And the more we work toward those aims, the more laborious our lives become, and it's just easier to give up and try and keep our minds occupied. It's easier to live each day the same, even though we may be wasting away. It's just easier to let life throw us whatever it will throw us. It's like a line in one of my favorite movies (Zero Effect), "If you look for something specific, your chances of finding it are very slim, because of all the things in the world, you're trying to find one of them. If you look for anything at all, your chances of finding it are really good, because of all the things in the world, you're sure to find some of them." Simple, yet ironical logic. I don't know if that's a perspective I should take to life, or somthing to disregard as not worth my time. Because perhaps, of all the things in the world it would only help me to find my keys, and it would not help me in the least to find a stapler. Or a paperweight. Or a piece of lint. Or an old shirt. But I don't know. Usually if I set out to find something specific, I have a reason for looking for it. But maybe I should reevaluate my reasons, and be content finding whatever I may find. This is all metaphorical for life circumstance, of course. I am not all that concerned at the moment with finding my keys, and if I were, I certainly wouldn't be putting much thought into whether I should be. But the things I desire in life, the things I strive for, should I go find what I I'm supposed to find? Or should I just go and find whatever may be there for the finding? Regardless, I don't know how to avoid wanting certain things over others. I don't know how to suppress or disregard or shrug off or forget about my passions and dreams and goals. But then is the pain that comes from them inevitable? Or will there always be a path open to us if we only persevere? Perhaps my dreams aren't the things that are right for me at all. I'm just confused. Ah, well. For now, I will keep living.

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