Saturday, March 22, 2008

I'm in the middle of reading the Bourne Identity. I don't have anything profound to say about it - I just wanted to make note, because I'm enjoying it. I've also been spending lots of time recently playing music. I need to learn as many songs as I can, so that I can get gigs to play in various restaurants and bars. Wednesday night Cassie and I visited Dave, and I played several songs, and I really enjoyed it, and the assistant manager liked me, and so I'm supposed to go back tonight (Dave's playing again) and play so that the manager who overseas entertainment can hear me. But I have to have like 40 songs down, so that I have a full set where people won't hear repeats. That might take while - I think I'm approaching close to twenty, if you include a few of my own that I would throw into the set. So if I learn two per week, it would take around 10 weeks for me to be ready. I'm enjoying it, though. When I play guitar and sing, I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile, like I was meant to do it. Sometimes I doubt my guitar-playing abilities. I have a great ear, but... it's just hard to be confident, when I see people playing stuff I haven't learned to do yet. But I am confident in my voice. People like it, and I really enjoy that. It's especially fun when I play a song people know and they get that look on their faces, the one that says "ohhh, yes, I love this song!" and then their heads bob along with the music and a few of them mouth the words. I know I'm helping people enjoy their day, and it's uplifting to me as well.

Other thoughts? ... Well... I'm still trying to figure out life. You know, I spend day after day after day attempting to be positive about everything. And sometimes things at work bother me, and I've been pretty good about taking a moment and turning my thoughts around on the issue, whatever it may be. I try to think how I do the same thing as the person who just did something I didn't like, only maybe in a different way. There are times when I don't listen to others, or when I get in their way or when I disregard their feelings, or whatever, so that reminds me that we're all the same, and I have no right to judge. So I can thank God for the reminders I receive from others that I should listen and I should watch out, instead of being all high and mighty and thinking that they should. But then I have these spells, sometimes. After a whole day of staying positive in an environment I dislike, I can come home and be irritable, even though I'm trying to practice the same things. I don't want to be fighting this battle all the time. Maybe some people will say that it just is a battle and it will be for your whole life, but I can't believe that's how it's meant to be. As they say, practice makes perfect. I should think that doing something over and over and over again should make a difference. And maybe it already has. I think about the past times when I've been irritable, and I'd have to say I've come a long way. But when you're aiming for perfectiong, it seems you can never be fully satisfied. I'm sure there's a balance somewhere. Keep hoping, keep living with faith and love, relax, trust, give thanks, believe. The days will get better and better. They already are.

1 comment:

Susanna Metzger said...

I LOVE it when you play a song I know so I can sing along- and personally, I quite enjoy your guitar playing. Quite pleasing to the ear.