Monday, April 17, 2006

Poker and Anger Management

Poker is back! I'm pretty happy about that. But early into the game, as I delved back into the online challenged, I realized I have to make another resolution. I mustn't get angry with poker. It's a terrible thing to realize that you've placed expectations on something which are utterly ludicrous. For some reason, I expect poker to be fair. That people who make stupid moves will be punished with bad fortune. Maybe it's a little too much proverbs mentality applied to a game of chance. But fairness and justice have nothing to do with poker. I have to stop myself from thinking that they do. I have this weird thing about me that I really need to get rid of: namely, that if something isn't right or is stupid (let's just assume that the fact that this is all my own deluded perspective of rightness or stupidity: it doesn't really need to enter the conversation), that I get angry about it. I'm driving on the road. Somebody freaks out because I get in front of them, at a place where I have to do so, and they can no longer go 80 mph. It's wrong and it's stupid, and I get angry at those kind of people, just as I get angry at the people who are going less than the speed limit allows for no reason whatsoever. If I feel like going fast, I'm not going to get all bent out of shape about being forced to go what I'm supposed to be going anyway. But I'm not going to go slow for no reason either. That's just stupid, and it makes me angry. Believe what you want about my opinions and upjumped esteem for my own superiority of intellect, but my main concern is wiith the fact that I get angry. The fact that things don't turn out as I expect or demand or hope or wish or believe would be right, is not enough of a true reason for anger. That's unhealthy, and I need to stop it. Just like the poker thing. Things happen in poker. People make stupid plays and they get lucky, while you make the right play and get screwed. It just happens. And on the road, people do their own thing: we're all out there just getting where we want to go in our own way, and there's just no use getting mad over any of it.

I don't really know what to do about this weird thing in me that feels the need to judge the circumstances/decisions that get in my way, and then allow those judgements to affect my emotions and the potential for positive energy. I can't very well decide that my powers of intellect are just no good and that I should just disregard everything I think about people as nonsense. I really do believe that people make stupid decisions (stupid, not indicating a lack of potential, but indicating a lack of thought, situationally: you'll notice a lot of these stupid things people do while they're driving are done while on their cel phones; ie. they are not thinking about what they're doing, because their minds are on other things). There is, in my mind, a way that things are supposed to be done. People don't do them right, it annoys me. So how do I change my thinking? I'd like to stop being so critical, but they taught me critical thinking in school. (yes, this is a form of humor: do not correct me, even in your heads, on the difference between being critical and critical thinking... jeez).

Anyway, I'm liking having poker online again. I'm doing my best to laugh off the ridiculous bad beats I keep getting and just roll with it. Whatever happens, happens, and I won't whine about it. And now that I have made great use of the institution of the Parentheses, I will stop rambling, and bid my computer a good night.

Good night... computer... ...

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