Sunday, January 22, 2006
It's strange how I can at one moment be kicking myself for a stupid decision or something I say or agree to or suggest, which I immediately regret, and at the next moment (ie. a couple hours later) find out that that so-called mistake actually had purpose in life, that there was actually something to it. I'm not going to go into details, for reasons that are entirely my own. And it's my blog, so you have no right to get upset or to be nosy. But tonight I felt that way, and I just find it very strange. I've watched several episodes now of the TV show, Arrested Development, and it feels almost like that. I do something stupid, feel stupid about it, and then it works out, or I do something stupid, feel good about it because I don't think it's stupid, then find out it's stupid and feel pretty dumb, and then find out that I was right all along, and then I'm just so confused about life I just don't know how to think anymore. I guess what I'm rambling about is our ability to be wrong. I seem to have this ability to think so very clearly on an issue while still being entirely off base. It just seems like we should be able to be right when everything is clear and wrong only when our brains are all foggy. And let's not get all existential and pretend we don't know the difference. it's like when you're driving and your windshield is all foggy and you think you saw something crossing the street, so you slow down, only to find there was nothing there. Or of course the opposite may happen. But when you have a clear windshield, you don't worry about what you might be seeing or might not be seeing. If something is walking across the street in front of you, you can see it, because the windshield is clear. There's nothing blocking it up. When it seems like my mind is the same way, I think I should be able to correctly judge what I'm perceiving. But I'm not. And that's stupid, I think.