Sometimes it's just really hard to differentiate illusion from real life. I watched the movie "Wedding Crashers" tonight. I've been on what I guess is my second annual movie kick month, where I buy a movie pass at blockbuster and rent unlimited movies two at a time for a month, and I watch on or two almost every night. I know it's a big time taker-upper, but what can I say. I'm catching up, and I like movies. Especially when they make me think. Now I won't suggest that Wedding Crashers is a make-you-think kind of movie. It's hilarious and uplifting and all that jazz. The totally awesome chick breaks up with her stupid jerk boyfriend, who gets his lights knocked out at the end. And that's awesome. But that's just the part that really gets me. I love watching stuff like this, because it is encouraging, it inspires me to believe that good things like that can happen - the truly great guy can actually end up wth the amazing girl. But when we buy into stories like these, are we fooling ourselves? I'd like to go out on a limb and say no, but I don't have the experience to back it up. I only know a few truly great couples who love one another throughout their lives and who live with and for each other through every difficulty and good time alike. And these examples are enough to tell me it's possible, even that I may have a good chance. But time keeps sliding by. I keep pulling the motor cord and it revs up but never catches. Once I try to idle it just slips away. So... illusion or reality. A friend of mine said a couple months ago, thank God for television. I thought that was really weird, considering that most people can generally agree that tv has sucked the life out of far too many Americans, at least, and I'm sure a lot in the rest of the world, as well. But he said it and continued to expound that there are so many people struggling with life that it is good for them to have the good stories on tv that convince them that good things are possible.
So I'm watching Wedding Crashers, and not only is Owen Wilson's girl really really gorgeous, but she is a totally stellar chick. She laughs when stuffy people are all staring silently. She's not cheesy - good sense of humor - she's beautiful, wants to save the world and rescue everyone from poverty and all that kind of amazing stuff that I totally dig in a girl. But she's got this killer loser of a boyfriend, and she and John (Owen Wilson) hit it off real well. They have the kind of chemistry that people wish for, dream about - at least I do. They have fun, they talk serious, they cover for each other and help each other out. And I have to wonder. How does this happen??? It's just a movie, a story, contrived, scripted. They're just acting. No one can actually be like that, connect like that. Or can they? I don't know. It makes me believe. It makes me doubt everything. It makes me hope. It makes me despair. Is it a story that should inspire or a story that lies? Is it a display of a truth that I've never known, or is it made up, wishes and fairy tales, someone's imaginary reality, an alternative to their own miserable existence? I'm not sure I want to know. I just want to experience it firsthand. But even if it really truly happens, I'm certainly not anything like John Whatshiswhosit.
Okay. That settles it. I need to get out. I just have to understand that that's the basic problem. I need to get out of this apartment, stop starinng at my computer and go be witty and charming and serious and funny and whatever. Or at least say hi to some people.