Monday, December 26, 2005


I've always been a rather cautious person. Sometimes, I want to run away and have marvelous adventures and take risks and feel the rush of blood as I carve my own path through fate and forever mark the world with my passage. And then I start to wonder how I can do these things in the safest way possible. How I can fight the dragon and rescue the princess and save the world without ever being in danger of losing everything. How can I possibly be so naive? We can't hold on to what we have in this world. It's all lost anyway, right? We can't take it with us? Some day diaomonds will be dust. Then what? So what am I holding on to? The very shame is that mediocrity is the safest existence there is. I'm reminded of the book Robinson Crusoe, a story I have as of yet not finished reading, though I started it once about two years ago. But Robinson Crusoe wants to sail the seas, He's tired of living the boring life on the mainland, the safe life. He wants adventure. He wants to be a hero and find treasure and have amazing things happen. His father tells him, quite sensibly, that he should be content with the just above average life. Not scraping by in life on the brink of poverty, but not living in excess either. The whole desire for adventure, that unquenchable thirst for something more, he claims is just an illusion that will never really bring him happiness. But his pursuit is more likely to bring him suffering and poverty.

I think about these things and I cannot believe a word of it. How could anyone be content to live comfortable? Well, really, I know how they do it, but I have not accepted it yet, and I cannot see how they can do so. Acceptance of the average life is... I can't even say. I just know that truly happy people have done something, achieved something, found something to make them so. A piddly job and a half a life watching tv and going to bars is not it. I can't say exactly what it is. I think it's different for everybody. But I think I should finish reading that book sometime, and see if there's anything I can actually take away from it. I'd like to see how the author ends up on those ideas.

I'm tired now. I can't think straight. I'll go to bed.




srchngformystry said...

i can never live my life in the middle of the road. i always choose a side. sometimes, it makes me unpopular, but guess what? at least im happy. at least im being true to me. and that is the greatest risk of stand still while you feel like running.

my life is worth living.

it was so great to talk to you tonite. i love how you piqued my curiosity. thank you.

Jessie said...

Take a Chance! And don't regret it. Life has a lot in friend