Monday, August 08, 2005

back to work

I'm reevaluating a previous statement I made some time ago about how reading helps spark my creative energy and inspires me to write more. Having been fully engrossed in a fantasy series over the past two months, I've found that this is actually not quite true. It's happened a couple of times in the past two weeks, that I've been inspired to write after reading a chapter or two, but those have been possibly the only times I've taken time on my book. For the rest, it just takes discipline. I remember how in High School and Junior High, I thought of myself as a very disciplined person. I got up every morning and spent time with the Bible and in prayer and writing a kind of devotional journal. I did that for about 8 years straight, until some time in college, my love of discipline turned into disregard. And strangely, I dont' even mourn it that much. Well, I shoudl rather say, I don't mourn the discipline that I had placed on myself, but I do miss having discipline about something, anything, if I consider it important. I was thinking the other night about how if I'm ever going to get anywhere in life and do the things that I want to do, that I was meant to do, I'm going to have to "put childish things behind me." I hate using that phrase, because becoming a man and putting childish things behind me was not the point of that passage of the bible - it was just the example, the analogy used for spiritual maturity. But still, the idea still applies, in fact more so, since it's used as an example that means its just an obvious and fundamental part of growing up, coming to terms with things like discipline and duty. But a big part of me is still stuck in college, living in the moment, just out to hang out and have a good time. (It's funny that I say that, because I'm sure I was one of the more studious people I knew in College, but whatever). Ah well, I just know I've got to sit myself down and do the work. Avoid the television. Avoid the sofa. Avoid the online poker rooms. Avoid whatever else grasps at my time. There's always something, it seems. And just do what I've got to do. It's strange, though, how bad habits are almost impossible to break, but good habits are always a chore. Well... I think there's something good on TV now, so... oh wait. Um... back to... "work"... ... no really.

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