Monday, July 19, 2004


Sometimes I look at my life and I'm disappointed in myself. Like I should be doing more of something that's more important. Or I should be further along the path of where I want to go. I sometimes wonder if God has brought me to this point in life, because it's something I need to go through, or if I somehow rejected the best path, so God brought me here instead to bring me around a different way. I don't know. Most of the steps in my life, I've felt like I've been following God's direction as best I can. But how do I really know? How do I know that there isn't something better he's just waiting to reveal to me if I would just do that little something different.
Another little thing. You know those uncomfortable situations you get into, that you know could have been avoided if you were just careful, but you can't really get out of because you're a nice person. Like being around annoying people, and you can't just turn to the person and say, man, you annoy me, I'm outta here. You got yourself into the mess by asking the annoying person how they're doing, and even that you couldn't really help doing, because you're just friendly, or something like that? I hate that. How can a person avoid such situations and still be a nice person, or a social person. I remember this annoying girl who liked me and eventually I resorted to being rude and snippy to her all the time. I didn't know what else to do. She wouldn't leave me alone. And it wasn't a stalker situation, where I would not be all that uncomfortable saying, STOP Stalking me!!! But it was more like those hanging out with friends in college situations, and she would be there and just like hover around me and we'd all be walking, and I'd shuffle around among the group to get away from her and she'd just follow me, and it was driving me crazy. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO!!!! Okay, it was a long time ago, but the memories are horrific. That's all. Uncomfortable situations. It seems like people push for them though. It's like an ugly person always asking people if they look good. It's just a rule. Don't ASK people if you look good. It's alright to fish for compliments, but don't ask for them. You fish for compliments by saying things like, hmmm, I wonder how I would look in this. What do you think of this shirt? That way if the guy WANTS to compliment you, you've given him a chance to do so, but if he DOESN'T, you've made it easy for him to NOT LIE. Okay. Just a little thing. I'm not crazy.
Really, I'm not.

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