The Time: Late at night

The Place: A small, enclosed space (ie. my apartment)

The Problem: want to write about something, but not really thinking about anything.

So, I'm thinking I'll post some poetry. (I know... *groan*... not more people posting their crappy poetry). But seriously, did you ever meet a beautiful woman that made life unbearable simply by her outstanding beauty, even if just for a few days? Here's a poem about one I met. whew.

Alas, that such a vision should exist to haunt my dreams.
A travesty, that I should breathe the beauty that she beams.
If I had never gazed at such a lovely form as this,
My mind had never wandered to desire a tender kiss.
I would have been content to think such beauty wasn't real,
Just the talk of fairy tales, or something that you feel.
But no!, she really walks and breathes and haunts the world of life,
An instrument of torture much more piercing than a knife.
Alas, that I have seen what's more inspiring than the sky.
For now the forms that once were grand seem naught but all awry.
And if I wake and find my mind released and all forgot,
I'd count it but a blessing and my life a happy lot.

And that's it. Not too painful I hope. I know, the knife line is a little bit out of place, and kind of a stupid rhyme. But I liked the lines after that a lot. There's no title. I have yet to think of a good one, even though I wrote the thing like a year and a half ago. alright. Anyway
The dreamers are the sad and weary.

Motivation.

There are a lot of thing in my life, things which I actually enjoy doing, which could be considered worthwhile or in some way productive. These are mainly things that I have thought about doing or tried to do or started at some point in my life, but most of which have never been fully accomplished. Such things include my desire to write a full length fantasy novel, learn Japanese, or finish a professionally recorded cd of my music. The strangest thing to me is that, though I enjoy these activities when I actually do them, it is one of the hardest things for me to actually bring myself to work on them. I've never understood. It's easy for me to turn on a video game, or the television. And while a bit better is the easiness with which I can open a good book (mainly fiction), it seems like most of the things that could actually have a good amount of significance for my future and for the good of the world and all that kind of cool stuff for some reason, which I cannot come to point my finger at, carry with them an unaccountable dread. Not the kind of dread one faces when one's imagination goes wild after watching Dracula, but the kind of dread an eighth grader has before having to write an English paper. Even if it's some easy English paper that can actually be fun, like writing a cool story (and now I've come full circle to my desire to write a work of fiction). It's like all the great stuff that we could be putting our minds to has the subconscious label of "HOMEWORK!" And I, for one, never want to do it. I never feel like doing it. Sure, once I force myself to do it, it can actually be pretty fun. As fun as playing Socom 2 online with a bunch of other people who are wasting their time? Perhaps not. But fun, nonetheless, and perhaps with an extra quality those other activities do not have, that wonderful sense of accomplishment. So what is it? What is it about the thought of "Homework" that just makes me go, *ugh*? Is it that I have to think? But I LIKE thinking. That's the whole thing. I have no problem devoting myself to a book full of cryptograms and puzzles, but I won't work on a great work of art. I've never been able to understand it, and though I try to motivate myself, and perhaps will find better ways to motivate myself, I still have not, as of yet, found a way to convince my subconscious mind that the productive things that I want to do are just as enjoyable as the, well, less productive things. hmmm. Just something to think about. Maybe I need to start reading some of those motivational or inspirational little notes on some feel good sort of daily calendar, where you tear off a page to reveal each day. But I really hate those things.

It's true, I do watch television, more than I can say I like. But I've been watching this show, and to save face I won't speak of the name. I watch this show semi-regularly, but it irks me that it's only good about half the time. I mean, I swear they must have two writers, one to screw everything up and make the show aweful, and the other to fix it all and make it awesome. While I really appreciate the skill of the good writer, it still just bugs me. Just have the good writer write all of the episodes, and maybe, just maybe, you'll have a really good show. But no. Let's keep the stupid, aweful writer, and let our TV show go down the toilet every other week. Maybe I'm wrong, and there is only one writer, who can't really come up with anything good until he just makes everything screwy and terrible. In which case, I'd suggest some kind of counseling or medication, cause the guy could not be in his right mind. Anyway, do-do-do-do-do-do-do. That's it.