Wednesday, January 20, 2010

24 - Series-A-Minute Review

In the vein of the Movie-A-Minute and Book-A-Minute reviews, found on rinkworks.com, I have made my own Series-A-Minute review of the show 24. For those of you unfamiliar with this idea, it is for those who find watching movies, books, or tv shows, too time-consuming for them but wish to know what happens anyway. I have boiled down each season of the show, 24, into a mini-story, which can be read and enjoyed in a minute or less. In doing so, I hope to have conveyed the true essense of the show and thus bring to all you busy non-viewers out there the enjoyment of each season without the expense of taking up all your time. Check our rinkworks.com for further book-a-minute and movie-a-minute reviews.

24: SEASON 1

Jack Bauer
Hello, fans, look at me. I am the most awesomest, manliest man ever. (stops terrorist attacks)

Fans
Whoa! Jack Bauer is the most awesomest, manliest man ever!


24: SEASON 2

Jack Bauer
I'm really messed up, since my wife died. (stops terrorist attacks)

Kate
I love you, Jack.

Fans
Jack Bauer is the most awesomest, manliest man ever!


24: SEASON 3

Jack Bauer
I’m a messed up JUNKIE now, but I STILL work for CTU (stops terrorist attacks)

Fans
Jack Bauer is the most awesomest, manliest man ever!


24: SEASON 4

Jack Bauer
I am the most awesomest, manliest man ever!

Chloe, Tony, Michelle
Jack, we’re your bestest, bestest friends, and we’ll do whatever you say, even if it is incredibly ILLEGAL and morally QUESTIONABLE, because we trust you IMPLICITLY.

Audrey
I love you, Jack

Jack Bauer
(Stops terrorist attacks. Fakes his own death)

Fans
Jack Bauer is the most awesomest, manliest man ever!

24: SEASON 5

Jack Bauer’s Bestest Bestest Friends
Jack! WE – (die)

Jack Bauer
I will stop these terrorist attacks and solve this conspiracy, even if I have to take down the President of the United States (stops terrorist attacks, solves conspiracy, takes down President of United States)

Fans
Jack Bauer is the most awesomest, manliest man ever!


24: SEASON 6

Ugly President
Aagh! Blurgh!

Jack Bauer
Grrr! (Stops terrorist attacks. Escapes to AFRICA)

Fans
... Huh?...


24: SEASON 7

Government
Jack Bauer, you are hereby charged with… uh… hold on. What we meant to say was, PLEASE save us – but try not to hurt anybody.

Tony
Har! I’m alive, and I’m a BAD GUY now. Haha, I fooled you, I’m really a GOOD GUY now. No, no, look! I’m really a BAD GUY now. Okay, I’m really working on my OWN to achieve REVENGE for Michelle’s DEATH. Boy, I’m messed up.

Renee
Jack, I don’t want to become you, but your methods work.

Jack Bauer
(Stops terrorist attacks) Don’t become me, Renee.

Renee
It’s too late, Jack. I’m really messed up now.

Fans
Whew! Jack Bauer really is the most awesomest, manliest man ever!


24: SEASON 8

Jack Bauer
I am the most awesomest, manliest man ever. But I really just want to be a grandpa now.

Renee
I am so messed up. But I’m ready to be the most awesomest, manliest woman ever.

Jack
No, you’re not. (stops terrorist attacks; dies)

Fans
Woohoo! Jack Bauer is the most awesomest, manliest man ever. We look forward to season 9, where President GOOSIEBRAINS brings Jack Bauer back from the DEAD to defeat yet ANOTHER terrorist attack.

4 comments:

Mike & Mary said...

That was great! Thanks Jake, for filling me in on the last few seasons, since I only saw the first 5. Now I'm ready to see Jack in Season 9 -- I think he is the awesome-est. Mom

CassieU said...

who's jack bauer?...giggles.

Jake said...

Disclaimer: Season 8 has only just begun, thus many of the events in it are made up by me in an attempt to convey what I think the true essence of the story is so far.

Benjamin said...

I will continue to disregard 24 until such a time as they decide to introduce a.) time machines or b.) terrorist attacks in space.