Sunday, December 23, 2007

Small

I don't know why it helps to think of the world as vast, to picture the universe and me inside it, a small insignificant fraction of a blip on the radar of existence. But it does help. It helps remind me that "these light and momentary troubles" are just that: light, momentary: a blip on my own eternal radar, even less in the scope of the whole of time and space. To know that this solitary foot steps in the path of all, that when my time is passed, no great amount of suffering will have marred the beauty of the whole of creation.

Sometimes, usually when I pray, I experience a feeling of smallness. Everything around me suddenly feels incredibly far away, like we are all stars in the void of space. But it is very strange, because it is not a lonely feeling. Because we are all stars in space... there is nothing between us. We all just... are. And we're all part of something, swirling around in the outer limits, making our own little eddies in the fabric of creation, isolated, yet connected, light traveling back and forth in a million threads of peaceful connection. Not only is it helpful to realize that I am nothing, in the scope of eternity, infinity, but it is incredible to step out in that nothingness of space, and find that I am truly connected to all. When I go about my day, I realize, I am not just me, for I am nothing, but I am embarking on the journey of God's creation, and I become part of something much greater than myself. At the risk of sounding like a Buddhist, I become everything when I realize that I am nothing. Maybe it's just a feeling. I'm not trying to form doctrine or anything. I'm just describing how it's helpful, not thinking of my own silly trivial life, self-absorbed in my own problems and wallowing in deep-seated discontent. Thank God for making me smaller than dust. Thank God for setting my feet on his path and letting me join into something much bigger, infinite, supreme. Thank God.

3 comments:

Susanna Metzger said...

I'm in War and Peace right now. isn't as boring to start as The Brothers K or Crime and Punishment. So Tolstoy doesn't seem as difficult to get into as Dostoevsky was. We'll see. It's true what you say, though. I was talking to a friend and he said he's reading His Dark Materials, by Philip Pullman, He likes him a lot because the book draws you in and you forget you're reading, and can't put the books down. Yet, will he ever become a classic like Dostoevsky? Doubt it. But these days, if someone wrote like him, he wouldn't make it. Interesting the way that works...................

PS. Do you ever ready my comments, Jacob?

Jake said...

No, I never ready your comments. I don't even see them until you post them, so I don't get the chance to ready them.

By the way, your comment is on the wrong post. You really need to get your bearings before butting your own thoughts into another person's public monologue.

Susanna Metzger said...

laugh. out. loud. you brat. sorry, i did misspell that word, didn't I? well. I commented on the incorrect post on purpose- for fear if I did it on the proper one, it would be missed. sorry about that one as well. see if I ever cheer for you in musical chairs again..........