Wednesday, May 03, 2006


I asked God on Monday what it is that I'm lacking. I know I'm lacking something, when I feel stuck in a rut. When I can't seem to motivate myself to do the things I love and to accomplish the things I hope for, I know there's something missing. So I pleaded with God to tell me what it was. The thought came to mind: discipline. Ugh. I used to think I was a disciplined person. I think what I really meant by that was that I worked well with discipline. Anyway, it was kind of a "Duh" moment, as an old friend of mine used to call it. But discipline. Anybody can say they need more discipline. Stop sitting around in front of the tv or the computer. Get out, accomplish your goals. But who can motivate themselves to do it all? I know there are some, but they don't work at Don Pablo's, unless they're upper management.

So anyway, with the realization that I am in desperate need of greater discipline in my life, I took out my Microsoft Works Calendar and took a look at Tuesday's schedule, as of yet unmarked (because I have not heretofore used this program. I proceeded to plan my whole day, including work, going for a run after work, eating, writing, playing guitar, and playing poker, and reading Charles Dickens' "David Copperfield." On Tuesday, not everything went exactly according to plan. But I felt more motivated. I kept looking at the clock, seeing what was next, and when the time came around, I would switch to the next activity. I felt very accomplished. Just imagine if I were able to do this for myself everyday. I might actually do well. I've always known that I work better in a structured environment. I don't know why that is. I'm hesitant to live that way, because I don't want to exclude spontaneity from my life, but I realize that there is more room for spontaneity if I'm actually doing something with myself. Interruptions are always welcome. But laziness is not something I want to devote my life to, so I'm putting a stop to it.

I wrote up the schedule for today as well, and I plan continue to do so for each day from now on. And right now is actually my time to work on writing, so I'll have to end this now. I really hope I can keep this up. If this lasts more than a week and I'm not tired of doing it, I'll be very happy about it.

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