Friday, December 16, 2005

feverish

As I write this, I feel a strange sensation that I can only describe as feverish. Nothing in the sense of a sickness or injury, but a feeling of uncontrollable energy, welling up in my brain and rendering me unable to think clearly, focus or do anything else but struggle through putting my thoughts down on "paper". I truly wish I knew where such feelings come from and how to deal with them. Because I have no desire to be worked up about nothing. And when I say nothing, I really mean nothing, not some actual issue that I shouldn't be worked up about because of its unimportance, but actually nothing. I cannot point out any thoughts which are currently bringing me anxiety or excitement or any other emotional vibe that one might experience enough to disable ordinary functions. So what is it? Something I ate? Something stupid that nobody could guess but would turn out to be something we'd think of as inconsequential? Or am I simply being lazy?

Hmmm. Right now, at this very moment, I will attempt to wrench myself out of this frenzy into a controled, focused and determined state of mind. This is really a question of whether we actually have the power to do such a thing as control ourselves.

Funny thought, but that is so often in question with all of us.

...

After some meditation and sifting through thoughts and feelings, I feel a little more relaxed. Still not exactly mellow, but more under control in my own head. And with that... I'm going to go work on some music.

1 comment:

Jessie said...

Jacob,
I know exactly how you feel. It happens to me quite often. But not usually for no reason... that's interesting. Very unique.
And "feverish" is a good word. I usually call it "frenzied", but "feverish" is good, cuz it's got that whole cabin fever vibe to it.