Going to Brazil

I'm leaving for Brazil today. I'll be back in ten days. Wish me well. Hopefully, the trip will inspire more thoughts to write about on here. That would be nice. Thanks

Balance - Again

I think I might finally be grasping the tenuous balance between two important principles in life. The two can each be summed up, I suppose, in biblical phrases, namely: "All things are yours" and "All men are like grass." I've been focusing a lot on the former statement the past couple months, which is probably good because I seem to have focused on the latter for a major portion of my life. But it's been a big reversal for me to start understanding, as I see it, the phrase that Paul uses, when he says, "having nothing, but possessing everything." It was a breakthrough, I think, for me to realize that all things are indeed mine and that nothing is out of my grasp, whether I am rich or poor, young or old, etc. It is really revolutionary to me and very freeing. I grew up thinking that we should avoid material things, that if we wish to be free of the grasp of materialism, then we really need to do without. I think today's American poor disprove that idea. It is different in most of the rest of the world, but in the United States, I find that poor people are as materialistic as they come. It seems strange, but the fact is that they're surrounded by material goods/advertisements/influences, and most of it they can't have. But in their hearts they are shackled to those wants. So apparently, the secret to escaping materialism is not in becoming poor. But I've finally started thinking, what if we instead start believing the words of Jesus and the apostles, saying that we have all things. Not just that our basic needs are met, but "ask anything in my name, and you will receive it."

When I bring up those verses, I can't help but clench my stomach a little. Images of faith healers and "name it, claim it" television theologians assault my mind and I instinctually recoil. But I think the promise of those particular forms of interpretation is: start believing this way and then you'll be able to get what you want. Whereas, what I'm looking for is not self-indulgence, but contentment. It's not about satiating your lusts and appetites, but it's about being content in all circumstances. And it goes right along with biblical principles. Paul says he knows the secret - whether he's living with wealth or in want, no matter what his circumstances, "I can do all things through Christ." In other words, "all things are [mine]."

So I've been starting to think this way, and in a moment of reflection, borne of turbulent emotion whose cause I cannot in any way pinpoint - let's just say I was having an off day and had to go be alone to think and talk to God - I came to understand the balance a little better in the latter statement I mentioned: "All men are like grass." It's from a passage in Isaiah, "All men are like grass and their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fail, but the word of the Lord stands forever." It's a humbling thought, to imagine us all as mere blades of grass, flourishing green and tall one day, dry and withering the next. To imagine the whole world as just a field, filled with so many twigs. All the things that we think are important suddenly become nonentities, inconsequential. Our very existence becomes small and maybe a little trite. I really don't want to belittle or degrade the human experience, but when I think about it, I have to admit that we really are pretentious little creatures - thinking our cash flow and our stock options make a lick of difference in the world, or that putting up with traffic and dealing with all our problems are so incredibly important as to merit the world's attention. Even our real problems, death and sickness, deep pains and sorrows, they begin to pale in the light of the fashioning of the universe and the expance of all of creation. As I think of it, I actually begin to remember the end of the book of Job, when God finally talks and reminds Job just how much more there really is than his little experience of life.

Anyway, all this is to say that there needs to be a balance. On the one hand, we really are nothing, just a breath of air in the scope of eternity. On the other, the entire universe is ours, and all we want or need is provided for us - ie. we can do all things. A difficult balance to find, perhaps a bit paradoxical, too. But necessary and, the more I begin to practice it, fulfilling.

Almost over.

My Fair Lady is drawing to a close. Tomorrow is the last day of the run, and we'll be doing to more shows, one at 2:00 and one at 7:30. It's been a good run, in my estimation. The night runs a bit longer than it should, which is mainly a result of several characters waiting too long to say their lines, or saying them too slowly, the latter being less common and less at fault for the length of the show. But it's been quite enjoyable, and I'm very glad for the opportunity. The cast has been great to work with. But I must say I'm looking forward to the next week and having a few more hours to myself in the evening usually. I've been too much on the go recently and haven't had enough time to stop and 'smell the roses.'

I have tomato seeds growing. They're probably around 3-4 inches tall now, at least a few of them are. I took some seeds from some full-grown tomatoes at the end of last summer, and now I'm growing them into nice big plants. It's exciting. Probably the end of next week I'll be planting them in the ground. I'm hoping I didn't get too late a start on them. I saw some tomato plants in the store recently and they were nice and big and lush. I don't have my own greenhouse or a lot of resources, so I don't know how I can compare with those. Right now mine are in their own little pots by the window. Some of them are looking rather weak, but others are growing into mighty fine plants. I think I have ten of them, and I expect at least six should survive and flourish as long as I tend to them properly. The others might make it, too. We'll see.

I also tried to plant some onions, but I fear I don't know what I'm doing, because I only see about four of them growing up. At one point I believe I saw seven, but a few died and disappeared since then, and now there are even less. Oh well. I'll probably clear up some of that space for the tomatoes instead. That'll be fine, I guess.

For some reason I really really want to get my own place and have some land where I can grow my own fruit trees. It almost doesn't matter to me what kind of fruit it is. Though my dream is to go some place warm and have more tropical kinds of trees and grow fruits like coconuts, avocados, oranges, etc. But here in Utah would be fine too, apples or peaches or what have you. I just like the idea of growing food, and at certain times in the year having it available to you right off the branch.

It would also be nice just to have my own place. For many reasons. Not the least of which is the ability to wander around in just my boxers.