Detached

I haven't written for a while, and that's mainly because I've been busy. By day I'm often at Chili's, waiting talbes again. I'm hoping this won't be for three or four more years. At night I've got rehearsals for My Fair Lady, and those are going splendid, thank you. I really don't have much to say about them. As long as you're working with decent people, it's pretty much going to be good. The only change in the good rehearsal pattern comes when you find yourself paired with not so decent human beings. I know the theatre world can be full of those, but I don't think I've met any in this show. It's been great, but like I said, what more can I relaly say about it. We rehearse, and we rehearse, and then we rehearse. Blocking, singing, acting, etc.

Anyway, I was having a stretch of a few days where life was just difficult. I wasn't getting enough sleep, but even when I did, I was still rather ornary, and though I was doing my best to be thankful, to be at peace, and to be basically everything I've wanted to be, I found myself worse for wear. I finally had a serious prayer time the other night, and after that I've been doing a lot better. It's not like I don't pray. When good things happen, I thank God for them joyfully; when I'm in need, I pray for what is on my mind. I do my best to expect the best, to think positive, and to relax under stress. But somehow, I find that there is absolutely no replacement for good strong earnest reliance on God. Maybe it's very much a spiritual thing. I think there's like some kind of oppressive spirit over this whole place. Though I do not like blaming all my hardships and trials on demons around every corner and under my bed too, I nonetheless believe that there are good and evil forces at work, of which we are not physically aware. As the scriptures say, "your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour." And yet Peter says to guard yourself against evil desires, which war against your souls. It seems quite unfair that we should have both our enemy and ourselves to contend with. I suppose, it more than evens out, if we have God and ourselves on our side. But life is hard sometimes. I miss my support network, people I need to see, people I need to talk to, to benefit from their wisdom and be uplifted by their company and creativity. Sometimes I feel starved here. Sometimes I feel detached, like I'm way out of my element, which I guess I am. At the same time, I'm living a life of faith, and it's challenging and adventurous.

So thanks for your prayers, those of you who take the time. Good things are happening all the time, and I have much to be thankful for. So here's to life and to the Spring. It's a very nice day outside today. I think I'll go to a drive-in tonight.