Married Life and Where Babies Come From

It's been a long time, I know. I've been a little busy, alright? ... What do you mean, doing what? I've been... doing... stuff. No, really I just haven't had much to talk about. Or rather, I just haven't been in a mood to blog about the stuff that's on my mind. But tonight I am, so yippee.

With that bit of enthusiasm out of the way, I can continue to express myself in an un-random weirdo way. Today I was putting some books away, which had previously been lying around. One of them was nice little coffee table book, with a frog on the cover, entitled "The Meaning of Life." It had lots of questions about life. Why this and why that, and it was really quite clever because every statement/question was accompanied by a matching picture of an animal. It made it cute and funny all the way through, while still giving us some meat to chew on. For instance, on one page there is a picture of several penguins all in a row, spread out, and they're racing down a decline until the end of the ice there's one penguin with his beak sticking out looking down into the cold water below. The words at the bottom of the page are, "So we rush, rush, rush to get to a certain ideal point in our life, and then what?" It's funny, it's cute because they're penguins, and it engages vital questions about the lives we live. It's a good book, short but inspiring. So go get "The Meaning of Life" by Bradley Trevor Greive.

I've been playing a lot more guitar recently. For the past year I wasn't doing a whole lot with it, and I don't really know why. But in the past couple of months I've been craving it, missing it, wanting to play a lot more. In the past couple weeks that feeling has grown stronger, and I've actually been playing and practicing every day, and not just pulling it out for a few minutes to play a song and then put it away, but real practicing, and I'm loving it, and I want to do more. Cassie is great, too, because she's always supportive and encouraging.

For those that are completely clueless, I am married now and have been for about a month. Er... make that exactly a month. I love that, too. I feel more motivated as a married man than I've ever felt before. I love my wife and it is amazing to see her every day and share a home with her and everything else. We've still got a lot to do on our apartment, cleaning up, putting things away, putting stuff up on the walls, etc. I guess it's taken a while, but really, we haven't been slacking. We just have lots of stuff to sort out. Some of it's junk that needs to be thrown away. Some of it needs to be organized into nice little boxes to store away in the one big closet that we have. Other stuff needs to be put up on the walls, and still more stuff we just don't know what to do with. So there we are... the apartment's still messy, but we're making progress.

Anyway, all that's to say, I'm doing great. I'm loving life. I've had a few days off from work, and I go back tomorrow. I thank God for all the blessings I have.

I was reading some old journal entries from one summer at camp, and I couldn't believe how lonely I was. I haven't felt that miserable in a long time. I just want to thank God with all my heart for Cassie and for bringing me to a place in life where I'm happy and fulfilled. Life is so wonderful.

In eleven days, I am getting married. When I take a step back to observe myself and all that is going on in my life, it just seems so strange. For years I ached for the kind of relationship I have with Cassie, and now... I'm in such a different place. It's a great feeling, but I can hardly believe that it's happening. I mean, when I'm going about my days, preparing for the wedding, going to work and talking about the upcoming event, moving into our new apartment, and going to target with my fiance (we seem to go there about two or three times a week, haha), it's like it's always been this way and always will be, but then I think back and remember the many states I have been in, states of longing and pain, or states of joy and freedom, and I wonder at the strange and sudden twists and turns in life. I think God every day for my life and for Cassie, and I hope she knows how much I appreciate her.

I moved into our new apartment this weekend. Cassie will be moving her stuff in next weekend, and then I still have a bunch of stuff to bring from Minneapolis. But for now we've got the essentials: Internet, a BED, Toilet Paper, you know - the stuff you can't live without (hah). Anyway, I love it. I love getting up in the morning and having the place to myself, and walking around in my bedclothes or less. I love having Cassie over, having a place for just the two of us.

I want to write some thoughts, deep thoughts, but I'm not sure if I have any, and I have to go get ready for work. So I'll end here, and just remember to Thank God for every good thing.

off day

I was somewhat out of sorts today, and I don't know why? Do you ever have those days? You seem to do all you can to stay positive, to let frustrations roll right of your back and expect the best, but you just can't shake the feeling of unease? I don't know what causes it, but there's a kind of restlessness in me right now. I would have thought that it's my lack of freetime - I was busy with Cassie all weekend taking care of four rambunctious children (ages 6,7,8, and 10, I believe). It was enough to convince me I definitely don't want that many, and I'd definitely still like to wait. But It was fun, and it shouldn't have put me out of sorts. I didn't feel this way until I walked into work this morning. And now I've had free time all evening, and I don't feel refreshed.

On the upside, the outside air felt amazing tonight. Something or other drew me outside just about 10 minutes ago, and I just stood out there in the cool air, luxuriating in that sublime freshness after the rain, breathing it in and out and praying. I took some time to consider what it was I truly wanted in life. Frankly, that feeling, the feel of the cool fresh air filling your mouth and throat and lungs, that's up there on my list.

Well, I'm getting married quite soon now. Less than four weeks away. That's unbelievable. I'm really looking forward to it. I move into a new apartment in less than two weeks, too, and I'm looking forward to that, too.

Does it bother anyone else that whenever people pray or talk about spiritual issues, it always seems to be somber? It's like the more passionate sadness you can put into your prayer, the more holy you are. Or the more woeful cynicism you place in your sermons, the more worthy your lesson. There's a place for being somber, a time for it. I'd say, if you feel that way, then pray that way. But if you're feeling good about life and about God, you don't need to suppress that feeling in order to feel his presense. just a little side thought that sometimes bothers me.